Tractor Beam Rock

I’m not going to compare side by side or focus on the negative or stress over a way out. I don’t need one, and I do know this because in the deepest seed of my core, I am a forgiver. I always have been, and I have finally found someone who not only wanted forgiveness from me, but who truly did change.

And in many eyes, he did the same for me.

Something happens when you are able to settle like this. You grow. You grow bigger spiritually and grow more in love, every day, together----not just with each other, but with the big picture. The Universe itself, Nature, and the magical synchronicity as Intuition, Trust, and God orchestrate all things. The heart opens up. My goodness what a warmth I have been tragically scared of and avoiding. I can feel this now in the other bedroom, where the sun shines in and my cat nestles comfortably between my legs. I became comfortable without love because my own was so powerful, but I’m recognizing now that my forgiveness did not go to waste this time. Anthony braved the truth because he knew I would listen, and because he changed, it is not right to hate. The anger actually feels strange.

No love is perfect. Can we rejoice and laugh a little in that? Ah life! I do love real people and life. There have been so many tricksters and roles set on disproving and untangling, but I love the cleanse of healing. I don’t mind when it gets a little messy and makes room for more light. Let the publishers say no to my books. That won’t stop me from writing. Let the tricksters try to tear us apart. That won’t stop us from becoming stronger and more aligned. Let the role players lie and try to steer. That won’t stop us from speaking up and telling the truth.

With the history out and the other side revealed, I can hold onto this rock as a reminder and a reformer. Its centering power is so strong, I actually needed to swap pen for keyboard so I could retain the light in describing what it means. Anthony is real love to me. I know he would never hurt me, and even though we both sort of did, we also deeply understood why. Is that a contradiction? Not when two people have been through as much as he and I, and retained our core values as dragon-like as we did.

And angel-like. We retain and evolve. The kind of angels and dragons I love. The ones who cherish family and friends, and know the hell that lives inside nursing homes and psych wards. The ones who discard the broken homes to make space for their own real ones, realizing everything in their power to stay true to that family. The ones who see more clearly for the other, so big change becomes possible and holding on to each other the new way of being.

I want to coat this rock white. Should I? I think it’s important. I’ve been raising dragons out of hell for spiritual significance the whole time, knowing how many of them held virtuously on to seemingly otherworldly values, but I think it’s okay to let this rock be. The darkness of it doesn’t scare me anymore or frustrate my pen. In fact, it’s not dark at all. It feels like a “tractor beam”: an energy that pulled me in and continues to pull me home. So many "light-workers" forsake and utilize abusive labels and the systems that create hell, so I’ll take the dark-worker. The one who would never throw me away and who will always let me grow.

And every single time, I'll also take the animals ❤️