Creating Utopia

It is a gift to understand many perspectives. I used to think it was a curse, but that was back when I understood without boundaries.

As a kid, I allowed myself to feel and to drift with people and their various viewpoints, struggles, opinions, and beliefs. I had my own beliefs and opinions, of course, but they were confined mostly to my bedroom, art, writing, nature, and quiet spaces in between. Family gatherings overwhelmed me, not because I didn’t love the people, but because I felt myself disappear, somewhere inside, as well as outside of my skin. I listened to everything, and soaked in all opinions like a sponge, and very very minuscule inside was my tiny light and being. I was almost mute as a kid because others were so loud. It was natural to let other voices take over, and to really cherish my alone time. That’s where I felt most free. In my quiet, creative spaces, I nourished a tiny seed--one I knew was beyond powerful, but one that also closed up and nearly disappeared in the presence of others. As a child, I was the highly aware, highly feeling observer in the dark.

In adolescence, I developed a stronger voice from music I could truly relate to, but it was at the same time my outside world flipped upside down. During this time, I developed hard and scary walls, as well as abilities, to fiercely protect my inner light. I spent evenings falling in love with myself, but mostly with my anger. I screamed in the mirror to strengthen my ego and to build terrifying walls. I cried in my pillow, but I also screamed, throat-tearing screams as a way to develop a Chester Bennington-like singing voice—one that was raspy and hard and could scare away all the outside dark forces (demons, unhealed wounds, whatever you want to call them). Through music, private expression, and art, I became hard, but I also tipped the scale too far. I became so hard, I scared myself. I started to lose sight in my own inner light. Absolutely everything became dark, inside my own personal home and outside home. There was no one who believed in me, and I was losing belief in myself.

Now, fast forward lifetimes into the present. There is a reason—a million reasons—why I worked and continue to work my butt off to make sure confidence comes from within and above. To rely on another for confidence, self-love, and belief in oneself is to be dangerously dependent on another. While a community of light-shiners and light-uplifters everywhere is obviously the ultimate goal, I know from experience how vital self-trust, self-love, and self-confidence really are (the pure, deep-rooted kind).

Let’s pause for a moment and unpack what true confidence really means. Confidence does not mean being loud, being bold, being happy, and being the brightest light all the time. True confidence means being fully trusting of yourself, everything you’ve been through, and your path. True confidence means being accepting of all your feelings, including nervousness, awkwardness, sadness, calm, and discomfort, and being trusting of all your inner guidance. Curiosity, compassion, and love for yourself is the recipe for true confidence. The surface-level confidence shown in movies and in music videos is indeed exhilarating, but it is also exhausting, not real, and not sustainable. True confidence is loving your whole self and accepting it all.

Returning to confidence spread throughout a community, I am beyond fascinated by the truth of connectedness and oneness with people from all walks of life, experiences, and programmed backgrounds. However, what happens if someone/someones within the connectedness starts to steer a dark way or reflect beliefs not necessarily beneficial for the whole? This is when self-knowing and self-confidence are essential. It is vital to separate energies, clear out what isn’t yours, what you don’t necessarily believe, take certain things into consideration, and then come back, still connected, but entirely centered in full light and genuine love and care.

In miracle circumstances (let’s hope for more), a community operates similarly, both having the ability to separate, consider, and self-reflect, as well as connect, learn from one another, and lean on each other for healthy support. These communities are not blame-focused, judgmental, nor fear-steered. They are growth-geared, heart-centered, and love-focused. They are fascinated by the blend, as well as very knowing of the importance of space and recentering separation. Forgiveness and high awareness of similarities rule over brokenness and stubborn determination for differences. The greater good is the goal, not the personal, self-centered gain.

I’ll admit, though, the blend can be a lot to swallow and breathe through. It is easier, on some level, to hate and violently separate, but who wants to live in a world of hate and violence? The answer is nobody. We all have our own fears, and the key is to listen with compassion, care for and protect yourself, and in doing so, spread the trend outside to others. The balance will always be a dance between compassionately caring and listening, while also compassionately loving and taking care of yourself. A codependent-independent society based on love: this is what I’m discovering.

A codependent-independent society based on love also has to feel like yours. What does that mean? It means you feel safe in this society to be yourself. You feel safe that you will also be heard with compassion and your boundaries will be respected. While a community operating off of genuine care and light may have much to teach you, do always know that you know yourself best. A boundary from the past may not be a wound to heal. A boundary from the past may simply be a boundary that needs softening and a different approach. I’ve learned hard boundaries can actually be a magnet, similarly to no boundaries at all. The best method, from my experience, for protecting yourself from the past—a past that may want to follow for lack of their own personal direction—is to speak confidently and be heard, rather than speak out of hardness, fear, or anger. Speak honestly, my friends. Honest speech with yourself and others is the foundation for a heavenly world. Every hell I’ve ever been in was one birthed out of deception and lies. No more. The fearless truth, enveloped in compassion, is the path to the New Earth, the Aquarian Age, Utopia, Heaven on earth, whatever you want to call it.

Did you know we all have the power to create a utopian society? It’s true. Utopia isn’t over there or over here. It’s wherever your intuition guides you and where you feel most safe, most heard, and most poised for genuine care and love, both with yourself and with others.