Birthday Post

Beneath the daylight halfmoon, I am more myself. Closer to the wild, closer to the bigger picture of it all. The intimate experience where it is me and the natural world, a cleansed and vast view of what's possible. I want to rest for a moment in the pride of who I am----who I've become. I am the hero I've always wanted. A bird soars above me, reminding me that in the wild, we are all heroes. That evolution is necessary and natural out here, and in the gently obscured moon, smudged across the sky by an airy cloud, the soul evolution blooms within. Survival and continuation, grounding and the light-kissed leafing for even more.

I smile as I breathe, inhaling the warm summer air. A fluttering in my chest, excited by the frequency of my own energy, calms in the open pool of shared nourishment. The cicadas buzz, a vibration that soothes and extends a moment like hair in the breeze. Why do I love to dance? The moon knows why. Some feel time rushing, but watch as I slow it down, head rolling into shoulder, shoulder rolling into arm, a wave in its own right as I transcend self for form, becoming the wind, becoming the cicada song.

And now where did the moon go? Ah, there it is, watching me from behind a puff of clouds. Did I create those atmosphere drops, deep from a certain place in my chest? It's possible. All connected, there is no question that I am part of the big picture. Hand on my heart, palm to breast plate, I am filled with everything. There used to be a devastating cavity here, void with pain and a sinking ground. In 6th grade when my teacher asked what religion we all were, I said "Nothing. I am nothing." How powerful to raise myself from "nothing" to everything. Everything I see and feel, do and say, sense and believe holds meaning.

A shared sky now, with the sun on my cheek, I let the rays copper my skin. There is evidence here----the kind some prefer, the kind that can be . . . seen. That's all it is. A sense valued more than the others. But what about the moon's power? "I can't see it, but I can feel it." That's a quote from A Walk to Remember, one of my favorite movies growing up. Seeds are planted, rays of hope there, but it wasn't until my own sprouting that I reached the vast and intimate meaning.

Self-guided into the shade, I am cooled again to make sense and purpose. Like the moon, I wax and wane to reflect and cleanse. How can I live admirably different? I am not just here for myself. In the ways I evolve and in the ways I spiritually expand, I am at a point in my life where I know I will be remembered. It is not a matter of "best", but a matter of meaning. I don't have to throw myself up to the stars anymore, because it's all right here. I am walking with purpose, living with my heart, and centered in the fullness of it all. What's there to mourn after the integration of passions and purposes are realized? That's the everlasting level, the alignment that transcends life and death. And because the sun is the sun and the moon is the moon, I am grand enough within to live both for myself and others: the path of greatest care and eternal meaning.

Care----that word really needs a wild heart. It needs the untainted, intuitive, self-grown glow. The kind that precedes texts, precedes paper, and stands tall with wise branches. The kind that climbs the mountain because it knows the mountain, and cares for the cubs behind. Real care is healing the way out of the traps----the lies, the drugs, the abuse, and the superficial industries that open doorways and streams, feeding these cycles. The way out is within. The way out is discovering yourself beyond societal norms, so you can see the bigger picture and remember the natural way.

As a couple butterflies flutter over the nearby reddening leaves, the knowing within is comforting. The evolution is smooth and surprisingly fast. Yes, it takes everything to ground and connect fully within, but once that chest space is reclaimed, self-love becomes nearly invincible, and the feeder traps obvious.

Was it a superpower to feel depressed within systems and industries laden with soulless thrills, drugs, and alcohol? Yes. I think so. The intuitive wisdom and feelings were always there. I just needed the self-trust and self-love to ground it all----to grow my wisdom and feelings in my own self-nourished soil. And what a glorious being I've become! Ever striving, ever expanding and blooming for more.

This kind of more is good. It is not a possession or material more, but a soul-wise more. The kind of more that cleaned me out from all the lies and various labels. The kind of more that returned me to sober----sober isn't even enough of a word. Natural. My natural self. The kind of more that has freed me from eating animals and has opened me up to the creative power of cooking with vegetables. The kind of more that keeps this journey going, caffeine-free now, no tea versus coffee, but rather decaf everything.

In the more, I am closer to myself. In the more, I am an ever-evolving moon-rise, always changing and always staying the same. And to that, I say graciously to myself, Happy Birthday.